diffrentcolours | Solar Feelings (Reply)

I'm in the process of sorting out solar panels and domestic battery for my house. This is a very popular thing in the UK currently due to Trump fucking around in Iran, which means that gas, petrol and other prices have skyrocketed.

The logistics are reasonably simple - I've approached three major providers (Wickes, EDF Energy, Octopus Energy) for quotes, plus a local installer who hasn't gotten back to me. I have quotes ranging between £8-12k, all for slightly different setups, with different capacities and brands of panel / inverter / battery (I'm obviously not touching Tesla). I need to figure out what I want and put the order in. I also have two other local installers I've been recommended, who I may approach for further quotes.

There have been rumours about the Government issuing interest-free loans for this work, which would be lovely, but if it's going to go ahead it won't be until after the local elections in a month due to purdah. And the install will require a G99 certificate, which can take up to 3 months to be issued due to the sudden high demand which isn't going to slow down. Between those, we'll miss a lot of the summer, so I'm tempted to just go ahead. And I'm immensely fortunate that between the household, we can afford that.

What's surprising me is some of the emotional reactions I'm having to this whole process. And I'm writing about them here to acknowledge them, to give myself space to be compassionate to myself, rather than push them down or ignore them. There are two intertwined but distinct emotional reactions I'm having to this.

The first is about timing - I've been talking about getting this stuff done for over two years [locked entry] and I've left it until it's suddenly urgent due to geopolitics. This not only means that I've been missing out on the savings but also that I've left it to a very busy time. I'm frustrated with myself for it taking this long. However in that time I have done other things to improve myself and the house. Progress is slow but it is happening.

The second is about money - we can afford this work, but it's a fair chunk of change. When I left my last job I was out of work for over a year, burning through savings while I tried to sort my head out about all the drama of the previous few years. My current job was about a £10k salary cut for a much less stressful position, putting me a further £20k "behind" where I might otherwise have been. It's worth it as I try to break the cycle of over-committing and burnout, try to get my ADHD diagnosis etc. But this is the first major investment I've made into the house, and many more I want to do, and more income would be really handy right now to renovate the bathroom, replace the kitchen, get a heat pump fitted, and other projects.

Both of these are regrets about the past. I'm trying instead to concentrate on the present and the future. In the present, solar panels or no, life is pretty good. We're financially comfortable despite the state of the world around us. I live a life with people who love me. I have friends. I'm making efforts to improve my mental, emotional and physical health. And as those efforts pay off, and to the extent that they do, it may well be that I end up being able to handle higher-paid jobs with more responsibility, without burning out like I have in the past. So there's a future to look forward to as well.